oct 2 in idea barrages

A distant future where the estate of Sasha Baron Cohen sells the rights to the Borat character for the purposes of selling Borax. “Clean clothes. Nice!”

A future archeologist finds a Keurig machine in the rubble. “I believe,” she says, “this was an artifact for producing holy water in their rituals, the etchings suggest it belonged to a priest named Brewer. Drain Brewer, I believe.”

Somedays you want Netflix and Chill. Somedays you want Netflix and Chili. Both are valid.

No, the best name for an Irish punk band ever would be “Rude MacLanahan”.

If Fountains of Wayne are still a band, I dare you to go backstage dressed as Bane and tell them “YOU MERELY ADOPTED THE FOUNTAINS, MISTER WAYNE, I WAS BORN INTO THEM!”

The Yellowstone geyser’s under constant pressure, intermittently cycling through periods of faked calm and dramatic explosions, just so it doesn’t totally collapse. Shouldn’t we call it Old Relatable instead?

People speak of near-Eastern monotheism and science as oppositional diametric forces but if that’s even true now, it wasn’t always. They overwhelmed European paganism hand in hand, after all, collaborators at least, more like conjoined twins. It’s not so dichotomous. (Nothing is.)

Everyone remembers that Coke used to be spiked with cocaine, no one seems to remember that 7-Up started out laced with lithium. You wonder how often people chased one with the other for an old-timey-soda speedball.