sept 18 in idea barrages

A dual purpose rolling pin and bowling pin called “the meta-pin”.

A butterfly is just a moth with a P.R. flack on retainer.

Only today did I realize that the Blockbuster Video logo looked ominously like a razor blade.

Sentences that make sense for a barista but sound dirty anywhere else: “None for me, thanks, we’re doing a cupping later.”

Keanu Reeves, depressed, looks into the mirror and realizes what a toll this has taken on him: “Whoa… is me.”

It’s one thing to consider the flex points of your life where you screwed up, where you zigged when you should’ve zagged, and think “I wish I could go back”. It’s another thing to say “I messed up but how can I fix it now?” That’s where I’m at, I think.

Macaulay Culkin walking into a GNC, buying all the protein powders and when asked why he just screams “MACAULAY BULKIN’!”

Carve the face of Gonzo The Great into your guitar’s capo. If asked why, tell them it’s The Great Muppet Capo.