july 27 in idea barrages

1.) Jonah went back to prevent Hitler humanely, by seducing his mother before he was born, not knowing Hitler was illegitimate to start, changing nothing, merely completing a stable time-loop. Now whenever he screws up at Time Variance, his co-workers joke “Thanks, Hitler’s dad!”

2.) A traffic circle is like a trust-fall exercise except with total strangers who don’t care if you live or die and multi-ton explosion-propelled machines.

3.) I await the low-budget religious exploitation film makers who try to cash in on, like Left Behind or Bibleman, to jump on a new bandwagon with MANGER THINGS.

4.) Their revolutionary food preservative that allowed bread to last for decades, Bunn Years, failed because everyone just read it as Bunny Ears.

5.) When someone has to take a third job to keep a roof over their head, that’s not a “side hustle”, that’s a failed socioeconomic system.

6.) The Marilyn Manson of folk-rock will call himself Bob Dillinger.

7.) A mayonnaise-based cake called anglo food cake.

8.) I wonder if a zoo ever tried getting away with calling itself Giraffic Park.