july 22 in idea barrages

1.) If you break a bed, is that mattresscide?

2.) I didn’t keep up with the zeitgeist of the LION KING remake and didn’t write a Skynyrd parody called “Simba Kind of Man” and it’s my fault. I blew it.

3.) I don’t wanna go see Hank Aaron try and hit home runs at, like, 80, even though he was amazing at 30 and I don’t wanna see the guy from THE KLUMPS 5: THE KLUMPENING try to be a comic again, either.

4.) The International Fan-Fiction Association should have the motto “We Ship Worldwide!”

5.) The main difference between white chocolate chips and chopped-up ecru Crayola crayons is that the crayons taste slightly more like chocolate.

6.) Canada’s most beloved science-fiction novel is, of course, CELSIUS 233.

7.) If you spill coffee beans on the floor, aren’t they already ground coffee?

8.) Or we could lean into our region’s provincial devotion to competent but unchallenging cover bands, have a yearly cover band festival? Cover Up? Between The Covers? Coverstock: 3 Days of Peace Love & Reiteration?