july 21 in idea barrages

1.) They spread rumors about “aliens” to throw Grandpa off atomic testing and stealth plane testing, now they’re getting you to submit your face-scans by making you look old or the opposite gender, whatever the trend is this week. That’s how this all works.

2.) Voldemort’s horcuxes were so easily destroyed because he cheaped out at The Lich Mart and bought philactery seconds.

3.) Faceapp? PFFT. In MY day, we just turned on K-Rock, found out what passes for rock and roll these days and FELT old instead of digitally looking it.

4.) The funniest/saddest thing about the “alt-right” is how many of them are really just “for the lulz” baby-nihilist edgelords that the fascists see as temporarily useful idiots and would turn on as “the criminal class” if successful, as they did in Nazi Germany.

5.) haiku: this heartland snapshot/strip club next to a gun shop/welcome to Frankfort

6.) If you photoshop a flat-top and muscles onto Phil Collins, he becomes Henry Collins.

7.) Dye your Cheez-Its festive red and green and scream “MERRY CRISP-ITS!” as you throw them at strangers. You could also egg nog or candy cane flavour your Crisp-Its but I can’t speak to the marginal utility of that added work.

8.) How is there not a yearly Crispin Glover festival called “Crispin In July”?