june 26 in idea barrages

1.) If you can find the Bible passage where Jesus says “imprison and humiliate your neighbors for trying to get their children a better life”, show it to me and I’ll buy that these bigots are actually Christians. Until then, all I see is hate-driven Churchians.

2.) Maybe Santa Anita Racetrack is just cursed because it’s built atop a Recent Equine Burial Ground.

3.) I think I have an idea for the newest trend in hipster mixology: Vodka Flavoured Vodka.

4.) If you get hit with the blast of a Billy Ray, you instantly grow an unfortunate mullet.

5.) My favourite Irish drinking song about house cats is “Friskies In The Jar”.

6.) A Smashing Pumpkins parody, “1879”, sort of a spiritual sequel to Amish Paradise.

7.) Real talk: it didn’t matter if Dark Phoenix was good or bad, now that we know we CAN have the X Men in the MCU, we dont want them in theaters again until they are there.

8.) Smashed up croissant looks like a giant’s dandruff.