june 21 in idea barrages

1.) I have taken to calling all of the boring white people cynically trying to become “cool” right-wing social media influencers “Blaynd Rand” collectively.

2.) When I am making fun of a band, I like to pretend that the band name is the name of the lead singer. A dear friend loves Shinedown and so to tease her I refer to the frontman as “Bill Shinedown”, for example.

3.) A reality series about helping women break engagements they only agreed to because the guy made a big stupid showy public proposal and it would’ve been weird to decline on the kiss cam in the NBA playoffs called “Say No To The Bro”.

4.) Hotmail account: “What is my purpose?” Me: “To be a back-up contact for my gmail account I actually use.” Hotmail account: slumps over with resignation

5.) “ACTUALLY,” the guy pushed up his glasses and took a condescending tone, “the singer’s name wasn’t Sugar Ray, it was Mark McGrath, Sugar Ray was just Mark McGrath’s monster.”

6.) In Soviet Russia, when debating which character was called “Frankenstein”, monster is YOU!

7.) Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, yes, that’s cool. But do you know what’s REALLY cool? Smithsonian Museum of Supernatural History.

8.) It is the world’s fault that almost no one would appreciate a parody of King Crimson’s “Thela Hun Ginjeet” about Bela Lugosi, it is not my responsibility to police cultural literacy.