meta-joke-heavy barrage in idea barrages

1.) I like to imagine each of Ollie's fleas is actually a tiny Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers playing a nigh-microscopic bass.

2.) No, love does not conquer all. But it can win any fair fight. And that counts for something.

3.) God isn't here to wink when people start taking this crazy little ride too seriously. So wink when you can. Wink in Her stead.

4.) If I ever meet Noel Gallagher I'll ask him to smash a watermelon. He probably won't get the reference but I'll still have won.

5.) How many Objectivists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 100. 1 to screw it in and 99 to claim credit because they had the idea.

6.) How many libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They refuse to because someone else might benefit from the light too.

7.) How many Tea Partiers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? HERP A DERP DERP COMMUNIST MUSLIMS.

8.) How many realists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, in most cases.

9.) How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Come on, man, whale-oil lamps have such better FIDELITY.

10.) Winter, look, just pick between Sort-Of-Cold and Balls-Numbing-Cold and go with it. Your flip-flopping is killing me here.

11.) Mercury is the most hipster of the planets, always bragging about how it's in retrograde.