apr19 in idea barrages

1.) Every week, someone comments on how they didn’t notice I was somewhere, something I actually take pride in, while I am not stealthy for a normal person, I’m very stealthy for a giant oaf, I don’t wanna block anyone else. I’m only painfully obvious once I open my mouth.

2.) Much as I too want to see Notre Dame rebuilt, I find it kind of rich suggesting that people need to crowd-fund it when the Pope could just sell three or four of his golden urinals and have the whole thing settled.

3.) A dark elf who constantly spams sleep spells while yelling “DROWSY!” but sparing those who laugh at her puns.

4.) A low-key low-pressure Zelda sequel for mobile phones, The Ocarina of Tim. Link’s friend Tim lost an incredibly non-magical ocarina and Link’s bored between adventures so he goes looking for it.

5.) The cat is very cultured, whenever I ask him what he’s been reading he always says “Proust”.

6.) With Easter on April 21st this year, I see a sign advertising that the Easter Bunny will be at a local pharmacy for the kids on Saturday 4/20 and… like… I want to explain to them that reefer can’t make you hallucinate giant rabbits.

7.) In a sense, ephemera & forgery are conjoined sides of the same two-faced penny. We learn the real & lasting subconscious assumptions of an age through what isn’t supposed to last but does & through what’s supposed to be real but isn’t.

8.) If it wouldn’t get me sued twice into oblivion, once by a sandwich shop, again by the ALF people, a great shirt would be like the Subway logo but the phrase “Schumway - Eat Cats”.

9.) Nobody wants to hear your parody of “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys about Gorilla Grodd from Flash comics, Mike.

10.) Rhino is just a war unicorn.

11.) I think of the opening part of the Talking Heads “Road to Nowhere” as a meditation on the vagaries of subatomic particles, Heisenberg and Schrodinger ruled as we all are, deep down.

12.) gods left us cursed with ceaseless toil, you gotta till your soil until you’re soil, gods left us cursed with ceaseless toil, gotta run your soul in the ground until it’s soiled

13.) The 2019 Mets are, in honour of their scam-tarnished ownership, a Bernie Madoff con themselves: just enough stars on the front-line to make success seem plausible, not enough depth in the places people look less to make success possible.

14.) The coming of Easter makes me want to update my “similarities between the Pilsbury Doughboy and Jesus” bit to add something about how they both got put into a warm dark place to rise, three hours, three days, is there really a difference?

Last updated May 02, 2019