apr1 in idea barrages

1.) Your NIN parody about reverse centaurs will be called “Head Like A Horse”.

2.) I feel like we are only about three years away from a coffee commerical with a rap jingle called “Crank That Folgers Boy”.

3.) I don’t know what “argan oil” is but the fact that it’s all over QVC lately suggests to me that it doesn’t do doodley-squat-nothing.

4.) After witnessing the bartender kill three people with the tools of his trade, she ran out of the bar, screaming bloody muddler.

5.) Tinkerbell but with a thick NYC accent and called “The Staten Island Fairy”.

6.) We were so caught up in asking whether the Candy Man can, we never considered if the Candy Man SHOULD.

7.) The older I get, the less ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND feels like a movie and the more it feels like a direct personal attack on my life choices.

8.) Alfred E Neuman was the blech sheep of the family.

9.) I hope someday someone in a Marvel movie calls Doctor Strange “Mr. Wizard” and he’s all like “I didn’t go through eight years of college to be called Mister Wizard. Please, it’s DOCTOR Wizard.”

10.) All who wander are lost, all who move with certainty are lost, all who stand in place are lost, it’s all right, we’re all lost, this life is very complicated and our lives are too short to learn very much at all. Cut yourself some slack, go with it.