mar22 in idea barrages

1.) The e-mail from Google telling us to save anything on Google-Plus because it’s shutting down adorably presumes that anyone used Google-Plus for any reason other than claiming an account in case it took off.

2.) Writing is kind of like that “Dr. Pimple Popper Show” except you’re doing it to yourself and, instead of pimples, all the stuff you’re holding back behind your clogged brain-pores.

3.) He was the first known case of sexual obsession with objects of spiritual value or the “fetish fetish”.

4.) One’s the Google home page, the other’s an epileptic but together, they’re the only cops that can crack the case. Coming this summer: SEARCH AND SEIZURE.

5.) Yeah, sometimes when you’re eating peanuts in-shell, you pretend you’re a giant cannibal ripping coffins out of the ground and feasting on their insides. Everyone does that. That is completely normal.

6.) If you don’t open a bowling alley that sells weed in Bowling Green the moment Ohio legalizes it, someone else will.

7.) I kind of want to watch a movie called MARS NEEDS WOLFMEN.

8.) You COULD write a parody of The Humpty Dance about Chewbacca’s son Lumpy, sure, but it would be basically a tree falling in the forest that no one heard.