feb25 in idea barrages

1.) Took a nap and had a nightmare about falling into a world of infinite synthesis of thesis and antithesis, infinite remix, deconstruction and reconstruction on an endless loop, watching reality unspool and respool around me at light speed. I hate sleeping.

2.) We all compromise something of ourselves in politics as if we all voted for ourselves, nothing would ever get done. The key I think is to be honest with ourselves that we’re always forgiving some bad for other good, not pretending we’re pure & those compromises don’t exist.

3.) The prodigies are the ones who stumble into it then, full of youthful hubris, fake it til they make it. The rest of us blanch at the chance, knowing we’re not ready, left to slowly figure it out in obscurity. There are pluses & minuses to both paths.

4.) Chili and coffee are both just bean soup at very different thicknesses and that’s why they’re both so good.

5.) You don’t HAVE to have read “Charlotte’s Web” to understand why referring to facebook as “Zuckerberg’s Famous Pig” is funny but it does HELP.

6.) The dumbest joke that almost makes me laugh, no matter how many times I see it, is when someone pours a glass of strong drink, sets it asides and starts drinking straight from the bottle. Bonus if they then throw the drink in someone else’s face.

7.) If you say you’re not on social media enough to know what a humblebrag is, that is a meta-humblebrag.

8.) “Let me make you dinner” can mean like five different things depending on comma placement, emphasis and whether you are a parent or a vampire or Doctor Frankenstein.

9.) LORD OF THE RINGS except all the elves are, like, Santa elves. RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER except all the elves are, like, Tolkien elves.

10.) If people get bored with garlic, you can always try marketing it as “the Italian scallion”.

11.) Yes, a parody of Babylon Sisters about toys mint on blister… package… would be a stretch but that’s sometimes the fun of a parody, what a stupid stretch it is.

12.) The secret is, people who believe they’re unfailingly good tend to be really bastards, the people who acknowledge their flaws but are trying their damnedest to be good, those are the folk to know.

13.) “Sex Toy” is such a vulgar term for it, just call it your “Selfie Stick”.

14.) That age when you’re looking at pictures of WHO’S THE BOSS and realize that Mona was more attractive than Angela.

15.) In the original draft, one of the members of TLC was autobiographically writing about being left by a man named Jason Waterfalls but the other two were afraid of a lawsuit, altered the lyrics and… instant hit!

16.) Weirdly, the only thing staler and more culturally out of touch than The Oscars is The Razzies, an award show specially created to make fun of how out of touch The Oscars are. Irony is a harsh mistress.

17.) I feel like if you dubbed the opening theme to LAW AND ORDER: SVU over the intro to FULL HOUSE, the intro to FULL HOUSE would finally feel as sinister as it deserves to feel.

18.) A prequel to THE HUNGER GAMES where a previous winner coaches an entrant to victory called A STARVE IS BORN.

19.) Gotta love when people get really good at one thing then assume they’re good at everything, forgetting how hard it was to get good at the first thing. Seems to most often happen to pop stars who think they can act or actors who think they can be pop stars.

20.) Sometimes I will step back and consider the fact that, no really, at one brief point in history, Yahoo Serious was totally A Thing.