feb17 in idea barrages

1.) Then there are the days in being low-carb where you just keep hearing the beginning to “Wake Me Up Before You Go” except as “CINNABON, CINNABON, CINNABON”.

2.) About the only way to make SHARK TANK entertaining would be throwing the judges to actual sharks.

3.) SCHMALTZ! The only beer brewed with real chicken fat!

4.) Sometimes I want to call people out on how what they need is in diametric opposition to what they want but I know that I’m the same, that it would be hypocritical of me to say it even though they might need to hear it so I make a dumb joke instead.

5.) Whenever I see stock photos of someone burying their face in a bunch of flowers to smell them, I like to pretend that in the next moment they were about to pull back the flowers and breathe fire on their enemies.

6.) If civilization is going to collapse, let’s end it with something big and symbolic, not just slowly picked to death by born-rich folk with no long-term plan. Let’s pick a day, have a movie come out where Tyler Perry plays every role in it then call it a planet.

7.) If I had to tell off Superman, I would definitely say “stick it up your S”.

8.) The moment you close the door is the moment the cat wants to leave the room so if you never close the door, the cat never wants to leave. This is how we outsmart the cat.