feb14 in idea barrages

1.) The dog’s golf nickname is “Fuzzy Smeller”.

2.) If Golden Girls came out today, you know there’d be a joke in there referring to sex as “getting a little Medicare Part D”.

3.) Luthor stands before the Legion of Doom: “To defeat the Justice League, we must first neutralize Batman & Superman so, my secret weapon…” out of the shadows steps Paul McCartney singing “Martha My Dear”. “My God,” Scarecrow whispers to Sinestro, “that’s why he’s in charge.”

4.) Every once in a while, I would like an ad to be honest “This is not a revolution in sleeping, sleeping is more or less sleeping but, hey, this is a slightly more comfortable bed for slightly cheaper than the other beds so if you like it, buy the bed.”

5.) Your country song about joining a seminary will be called “Priestbound And Down”.

6.) Petrified scrod! Trust the Gorgon Fisherman!

7.) No, the NERDIEST parody I could ever write would be to the tune of Rammstein’s “Du Hast” and be about the Marvel villain M.O.D.O.K. “MO! MO-DOK! MO-DOK IS! MODOK’S DESIGNED FOR KILLS!”

8.) If healing yourself requires harming another, cast it away, you don’t need that kind of healing.

9.) Did Zeus throw Greeced Lightning?

10.) If you ever need a sick burn against a sheep herder, call him “Little Bro Peep”.

11.) “Red Leicester” sounds less like the name of a British cheese and more like the name of a serial killer who stalked rural New England in the 1920s. Maybe like the horrors of The Great War made him snap or something.

12.) In Soviet Frozen, snowman wants to build YOU… a glorious tractor.

13.) I hope that Bill Smuckers the Fifth goes down to the factory sometimes, just points at the hoses and goes “That’s my jam!” expecting the workers to laugh because that’s about the least evil thing I can imagine being done with generational wealth.

14.) Why call it “in vitro fertilization” when you can call it “synchronized swimmers”?

15.) It don’t know if I can cook well enough to take you to Flavourtown. I can probably get you to the Flavour Exurbs and hopefully there’s good flavour light rail service into Flavourtown proper.