fe1 in idea barrages

1.) Your vegan baloney substitute will be called Phogna Bologna.

2.) If you ever need a new name for drag, may I suggest the term “femulation”?

3.) The corny joke centre of the brain is the mazola oblongata and mine is, of course, spectacular.

4.) The worst thing school taught me was that I always had to ace everything or I shouldn’t even try. Real life’s all pass-fail, for better and for worse. No bonus for knowing it all, no points for style, do or don’t.

5.) You could do a parody of Tom Petty’s “Good To Be King” about either the Addams Family’s Thing or the Fantastic Four’s Thing, either way.

6.) “My butt’s a safety hazard,” he said, “because it’s the ass-best-os.”

7.) Some day, we’ll find out that all dating apps and matchmaking sites are owned by the anti-depressant pill makers, so that they charge you to get you depressed with the frothing desperation of the apps then charge you again to alleviate the despair they’ve created.

8.) Name your band Reunion so you can milk every tour as a Reunion tour.

9.) The winter is like getting a baby chick, the first snow of November is like “OH IT’S SO CUTE” and by February it is this weird ugly thing that pecks at the walls and crows at five in the morning and now you hate everything.