janu22 in idea barrages

1.) If you’re a Patriots fan and cheer for the team, that’s your loyalty & your prerogative. But at least admit Tom Brady is a terrible fraud of a human being, despite being good at football & you’ve decided cheering for a scumbag is worth winning.

2.) Oh, Aaron Sorkin. The old “I get paid to write imaginary (blank) so I’m clearly an expert at real world (blank)!” huh? Shine on you crazy pretentious diamond.

3.) The three most important things to bats in cave real estate: “echolocation… noitacolohce… echoloation…”

4.) A montage of the kinda-boyfriend from CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL to the tune of Melissa Etheridge’s “Come To My Window” would get my generation right in the feels.

5.) To the moon, we landed on it for a half a blink a handful of seconds ago and it just noticed something small was there then gone.

6.) Maybe the real Curly’s gold was the gold of Curly’s that we found along the way.

7.) Writing a version of Tom Petty’s “Breakdown” about the Great British Bake-Off would require watching the show, I guess.

8.) Your Egyptian-Indian fusion cuisine will be misunderstood by critics because of its naan-euclidian nature.

9.) In Soviet Russia, Peter Pan plays zamphir flute.

10.) Your Hunt for Red Ocktober theme parody song will involve the line “we all live in a Russian submarine, a Russian submarine, a Russian submarine”.

11.) You will play only speed-metal covers of Vampire Weekend songs and call yourselves Vampire Lunch Break.

12.) Constantly refer to Patriots fans as “Dunkin Bronuts”.

13.) Only our onerous intellectual property laws prevent you from using the best name for a rodeo possible, Rustlemania.

14.) “How much rebo does your house band require, Mr. TheHutt?” “I require maximum rebo.” “…I know just the band.”

15.) Are there places where well-intentioned weirdos try to make their religions “cool for the kids” the way Christianity is in America? “C’mon, my youths, just consider the Wheel of Samsara as the most EXTREME Escape Room of all!”