janu15 in idea barrages

1.) The Star Wars premise of “ain’t gonna work on Beru’s farm no more” functions for either a Dylan parody OR a Rage parody.

2.) These evangelical born-agains don’t follow Jesus’ path, they follow White Protestant Identity and worship it as their golden calf. Even if you convince them that Trump has done all of this on Putin’s orders, which is the truth, they won’t mind because they care more about white identity than this nation or democracy or their children’s futures or anything else in the world. They say they love the country because to them it means white identity, to them the flag means white identity, their guns mean white identity, their church means white identity, “jobs”, “his birth certificate”, “the wall”, “her e-mails”. The myth of white identity is their only god. Everywhere, it seems, are the ramifications of our nation’s original sin Slavery and its refusal to root it out at the last great chance we had to, during Reconstruction, when cowardice and greed refused to let it happen.

3.) The key to a good tarot reading is to neither go too fast nor too slow, to keep at a medium pace.

4.) A cheesemaker, rapping at their ingredients to Ludacris, “MOVE curds, get out the whey, get out the whey, get out the whey”.

5.) I can’t find a middle name for Charlie Brown, ruining my joke about him being bullied past the point of breaking and assassinating the baseball player Joe Schlabotnik, always being called “Charles Earl Brown” or whatever in the press.

6.) Today’s song for Ollie is to the tune of Anthrax’s “Black Lodge”. GIVE ME THE ONE THING YOU CAN’T GIVE/TAKE ME TO THE FAT DOG WHERE YOU LIVE

7.) There is no wisdom, only the continual pursuit of non-ignorance.

8.) At some point in history, a really lazy music journalist wrote a review of a Pete Yorn album with the headline “Pete Yawn”.

9.) One of the interesting things about how time-travel is going to be invented is how they went back and orchestrated a band somehow called “Hoobastank” being successful just to mess with us. They punked us good just to prove they could.

10.) The only positive takeaway from the fake Trump presidency has been watching the administration’s insolvent ridiculousness and realizing that all businesses run by the born-rich are exactly this petty and incompetent so maybe there’s hope for the world yet. So long, so many have demanded government be run like a business and finally they have it, a government run like an American big business, on the childish willfully ignorant whims of a born-rich fool with no sense of how anything actually works. You like?

11.) Cats have an extra sense that allows them to know what is your thinnest shirt so that they can hurt you the most when kneading into your stomach.

12.) facebook could sell an exercise roller branded as the “facebook activity log” but, I cannot stress this enough, the world is the poorer that I am not consulted.

13.) Why say “getting led around by his penis” when you could say “riding in a prickshaw”?

14.) Your stomach IS a food processor. Just cube the stuff and stuff it in your face. Your gut will do all the fancy things.

15.) When you do exclusively Harry Potter based parodies, you will perform as Doctor Dementor.

16.) Without venues, performances are damned near impossible and too many performers refuse to understand that. The venue is part and parcel of the performance. Respecting the venue is respecting yourself.