2/12 Barrage Part 2 in idea barrages

1.) Porky's attempts at apology were inevitably ham-handed.

2.) A pity-sex-enabling phone app called Nerds In Need.

3.) You know you're edging toward old when you're starting to think Calvin's Mom is a hotter cartoon woman than Jessica Rabbit.

4.) "I drink your tepid watery macro-brew, I DRINK IT UP" is the most famous line from THERE WILL BE BUD.

5.) The best schadenfreude of Jeter's "farewell tour" will be that he'll probably only be healthy enough to play 30 games. I'll admit in Jeter's prime he was one of the best top-of-the-order hitters in the game if you'll admit he was the worst defensive SS ever.

6.) I think if I came into an insane amount of money I'd throw a bunch of it at becoming a curler just to be able to say I was an Olympian. Another great way to anger Canadians is to call curling "ice shuffleboard".

7.) The Olympics are like an NPR pledge drive for all of teevee. Puts all the good stuff into reruns while it sits there covering us in boring.

8.) References to ancient rap lyrics on the internet have ninety-nine problems but it's niche ain't one.

9.) Kellogg's really screwed up Raisin Bran but they're gonna fix it in Post.

10.) In D&D, for every experience point or "XP" you also receive one SIXP or "sexual inexperience point".

11.) It's the latest news-monster dance craze, Morbo Number Five!

12.) STEP 1: have good ideas but limited skill to see them through. STEP 2: surround self with very talented friends. STEP 3: ??? STEP 4: PROFIT.

13.) Harlan Ellison REALLY hated using a trackpad at first, that's why he wrote I HAVE NO MOUSE AND I MUST SCREAM.

14.) Harlan Ellison kept having trouble with twitch.tv and that's why he wrote I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST STREAM SPLEUNKY.

15.) All the major Popeye characters rendered photo-realistically across your entire back would be a really interesting tattoo.