jan3 in idea barrages

1.) If we must be put into identity boxes, at least don’t just be in one. Have fifty or seventy things about you that are all co-equal so when they try to lock you down in one box, you can just hop to another. Be legion.

2.) So much of the opposition to Warren boils down to sexist jackasses trying to say “But I don’t wanna vote for an older woman!” without admitting that they’re saying that.

3.) “I been wearin’ these boots since Doc Martens only had his masters degree!” yelled the old crust punk.

4.) The illusion of causality is really just multi-level-Markoving.

5.) LIFE HACK: If you make an “elle” with both hands to see which is left, together they make a “u” that points up so, hey, you’ll know which way is up too.

6.) After the Rose Bowl has occurred, the proper terminology is “The Risen Bowl”.

7.) The thing is yes sometimes there’s an element of cruelty in comedy. If used properly within the context of a larger idea, it can be funny. Harshness can be part of it. But cruelty itself is not comedy & to pretend otherwise is just looking for excuses for cruelty.

8.) Your New Years’ vomit did not count as “liquid confetti” but I appreciate the attempt to recast reality through words.

9.) Your halfling who gained his power from a pact with one of the Old Ones will be called Warlock Davis.

10.) While Catdog was half-cat and half-dog, because of the implications of their digestive system was legally considered a paramecium.

11.) All your favourite 90s softcore franchises crossing over into one film, establishing a shared Skinematic Universe.

12.) BANDERSNATCH and BIRD BOX both have titles involving a crude slang for lady parts and if you believe it’s a coincidence, you’re right, but it’s more fun to pretend that it isn’t one.

13.) I wonder if anyone has ever explained to “Snap-On Tools” how dirty their product sounds.

14.) Drug runners use speed-boats.

15.) I keep coming back to that story where Courtney Love bought a Fancy Rich People Car like a black Lexus and Kurt Cobain freaked out, how that shouldn’t be done, they should either drive normal people cars or something ironically ostentatious like a electric purple Rolls.

16.) In last night’s dream, it was an alternate world where I’d been kidnapped and locked in an attic in my early 20s, having just escaped now, trying to return to a life from which I’d been absent for the last 15 years. My subconscious can be a bit on-the-nose.

17.) In Soviet Russia, camp went to Ernest.

18.) The Velvet Underground’s “Oh! Sweet Nuthin” and The Marshall Tucker Band’s “Can’t You See” mash-up perfectly in a way that equally makes no and total sense.

19.) Ultima Thule sounds less like an exoplanet and more like a villain from CONAN: THE NEXT GENERATION.

20.) Calendar full/of therapy appointments and/open mic reminders as if/there is a difference.

21.) A parody of “heroes” about about much I want some goddamn gyros.

22.) There’s a part of you that stays subconscious so you don’t ever give EVERYTHING away. You gotta have a few secrets, even from yourself, let them be secrets if they need to be. But when it talks, for God’s sake, listen.

23.) Faced with my 6‘5 300+ pound self, my weightlifting cousin Ryan and our giant friend James looking for autographs, Mean Gene said “Christ, they grow ‘em big around here”. Shine on silverbird, rest in pinfalls.

24.) Sometimes I’ll be looking at an unfinished poem and think “they should’ve sent an astrophysicist.”

25.) I’m a relic of a certain kind of American boyhood where if you can’t play guitar (to impress women) or hit a fastball (to impress other men) all that’s left is writing science fiction (to impress yourself) and, well, my hand-to-eye coordination being in the negatives, here I am.

26.) Some open the 3rd eye, some have eyes in the back of their heads, some have a 3rd eye in the back instead, 1-eyed jacks ruling a past of the blind. Clear-eyed ahead but looking backward if occluded too, as in a mirror dimly.