de18 in idea barrages

1.) What would be more Christmassy than Jesus with the crown of thorns replaced with festive Christmas lights? Longinus hella stabbing Him with the Candy Cane of Destiny and the wound gushing forth egg-nog?

2.) A Buddhist koan: what is the difference between a good Twisted Sister song and a bad Twisted Sister song?

3.) Music producer David Seville snapped under the pressure of churning out the hits. He broke into the recording studio at 3 AM with some animals he stole from the park. He rants incoherently about how they’re singing Christmas songs incorrectly. The police have been called.

4.) REAL TALK: over half the time you see a woman “influencer” on youtube’s boyfriend, he’s pretty clearly a closeted dude dating her to get on the Very Minor Fame Train, like the guy in “When Stella Got Her Groove Back” and, like, it legitimately makes me sad.

5.) The snack industry has never realized that “Chris Kringle” and “Crisp Pringles” sound almost exactly the same, another multi-million-dollar marketing bonanza lost because no one asks me.

6.) And here we are at one of the central problems of my life and has been since I was twelve or thirteen: how do we heal from loss without feeling like letting ourselves heal is a betrayal of that lost person?

7.) Your Taxi Driver/Rick and Morty mash-up will revolve around a character called “Bickle Rick”.

8.) Your bard will rap the line “fights ain’t nothin’ but liches and mummies”.

9.) As long as you shorten “Junior” to “Jr.”, it’s true, “Sammy Davis Jr.” only has one “i”.

10.) In the Land of The Completely Mad, the Merely-Half-Mad Man is King… Of Running Away Terrified In The Opposite Direction.

11.) Still nearly full from yesterday, Galactus couldn’t eat a whole planet and just settled for the continental breakfast.

12.) Forgetting the phrase “whatever makes your duck quack” I told someone “everyone’s duck quacks a different song” and I have decided that I like my version better.

13.) There WAS someone better than Houdini but his name escapes me.

14.) When someone’s hurt by a cultural tradition & speaks up, for God’s sake, before automatically defending what gives you the nostalgias, step back & consider if they’re right. New warm fuzzies are a lot easier to acquire than an immunity to trauma. Just be kind.