de11 in idea barrages

1.) I’m more of a baseball guy but even I can tell you the NFL would be more interesting if they shrunk their playoff fields a little. Watching a bunch of .500 teams beat each other over the heads for the 2nd wild card seems pretty pathetic. Eliminate the 2nd wild card.

2.) They tell you to not be “politically correct”, to not “be so offended all the time”, not because you can’t be funny that way but because they want you making fun of each other instead of mocking power. Punch up, be funny and punch way the hell up.

3.) Tonight’s song to Ollie involves the line “FAT BOTTOM DOG, YOU CHASE THE KITTY CAT AROUND”.

4.) If I ever wrote a Star Trek episode, I would put in a mention of another vessel called the USS Jefferson, just so that I would know that in the continuity of Star Trek there is somewhere a Jefferson Starship.

5.) I am forever disappointed that LOVE ACTUALLY didn’t involve a character in a fedora with a neck-beard who appears whenever anyone mentions love and starts to explain “well, ACTUALLY…”

6.) A distant sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where wealth has ruined Charlie Bucket and demands everyone pronounce his last name all French. “It’s CHARLES BOO-SHAY, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.”

7.) Her tryst with the Pilsbury Doughboy ended with a yeast infection but better that than a bun in the oven, she thought.

8.) It must be so disappointing to people when a computer programmer introduces themselves as an “Android developer” but they turn out to not build robots, they just port cookie-clicker games over from the iPhone to better cell phones.

9.) The information all burned down and we’re left to sift through the ashtags.

10.) We’re really missing a trick as a world that there isn’t a Middle Eastern airline called Air Jordan.

11.) If you muscle up and pronounce “Joel” as two syllables, you have the basis for a great Christmas song about Mystery Science Theater 3000.

12.) It’s a Settlers of Catan/Monopoly mash-up. It’s called “Gentrifiers of Catan”. It’s… pretty terrible.

13.) The TLC of Bizarro World contained a singer called Asil “Right Eye” Sepol.

14.) A pick-up line that would have probably worked on Ayn Rand: “you can’t spell eugenics without U and I.”