de1 in idea barrages

1.) Tell me you weren’t disappointed when you found out “SHARK TANK” was a game show starring venture capitalist douchenozzles and not about the adventures of a crimefighter who drives a tank than can turn into a robotic shark.

2.) You gotta learn to love yourself, yes, but you can’t just jump from hate to love in one fell swoop. Start by just seeing what’s true, start with a truce. Put the c in true and call it a truce with yourself. Love can’t come until after at least that.

3.) A parody of the 12 Days of Christmas where the first gift is “a cartridge of Mario 3”. I don’t know what the rest of the premise is yet, it’s 3AM, cut me some slack.

4.) Your song about falling in love with a geologist will be called “Sedimental Journey”.

5.) As you reach toward 40, your major rebellions start being things like putting your trash out at 2 in the morning.

6.) The worst Pokemon of all time was, of course, Giglipuff, though I have been told some appreciate it on an ironic level.

7.) I have no idea who “Meek Mill” is, I am an out of touch old dude who listens to like Built to Spill & King Crimson & stuff like that, but I can tell you that “Meek Mill - Championships” sounds less like an album & more like an obscure golf tournament.

8.) Whenever I see a place where you can trade in old cans for a deposit call itself a “Redemption Center” I kind of want to go in and pretend I think it is like a really enthusiastic born-again kinda church.

9.) All the scifi authors knew we were barreling toward corporate feudalism but thought the businesses that owned us would at least be cool high-tech manufacturing concerns. We’re gonna be owned by social media companies and intellectual property hoarders which is just lame.

10.) The catchphrase line in EBENEZER SCROOGE’S ISLAND CHRISTMAS is “Bah! Hamas!”

11.) I always hear the term “Vegas show” as “vaguest show” and, hey, maybe it’s more apt.