no25 in idea barrages

1.) Today’s song for Ollie: “whoooa, there’s no dog there, WHOOO-OA, LITTLE TINY BEAR”

2.) Had the Blur song “Beetlebum” been a radio hit, it would definitely be a song about the Beagle Boys from DUCK TALES by now.

3.) Your video game about turning stale Italian loaf into French toast will be called BREAD BREAD REDEMPTION.

4.) A re-edit of “That Darn Cat” except every use of the word “darn” is replaced with an escalating barrage of the vilest obscenity imaginable.

5.) The strip club’s DJ abruptly quit and everything came to a grinding halt.

6.) A more bad-ass version of “kicking ass and taking numbers” is “booking funerals and collecting numerals”.

7.) If I were to open an Italian restaurant in the eastern suburbs of Los Angeles, I would definitely call it “Pastadena”.

8.) If Subway sold fresh-cut hot turkey around Thanksgiving instead of just pressed shaving cold-cuts, they could call their staff “Carving Artists” and I would at least respect the pun game.

9.) Your rap about efficient typing will be called “Ridin’ Qwerty”.

10.) In all our history, there has been no more powerful monster ruiner or killer than certainty. Hate, greed, fear, these have all been nails wielded against the human race but they were just nails. Certainty was the hammer that drove those nails home.

11.) A painter-guru named Bobba Dam-Ross.

12.) When you’re running errands around town, if you get into the mindset of pretending you’re in an old-school Nintendo roleplaying game & you’re looking for quest hooks from everyone you meet, you’ll probably find some. It’s how to live.

13.) Star Wars became a generic of the kind of space-fantasy it helped define and codify, the same way Xerox started as a leading brand but became a generic term for all copiers. Maybe the way to save that kind of space-fantasy is to let Star Wars itself end, y’know?

14.) Ringo Starr is hired to care for a seasonal train depot for the winter and, in his isolation, starts to hear the trains talking, starts to hear the trains telling him to kill in THE SHINING TIME STATION.

15.) Everything fulfilling, everything good, everything with a chance to last is a process and a negotiation and a struggle. Everything that’s immediate wow is either fake or real but fleeting before momentum swings the pendulum back.

16.) Yes, they’re trying times but they could also be TRYING times, times when you have little to lose trying out new things, trying out new versions of yourself. It’s all on where you emphasize the syllables.

17.) Shipwrecked, sure, but beating yourself up about it is counterproductive and daft. Come down off the cross, we could use the wood to fashion a raft.

18.) An MC Hammer video reenacted with hamsters for the sole purpose of being “MC Hamster”. “Addams Family Rap” or “2 Legit 2 Quit” might be too big of an ask but at least “Can’t Touch This”. Imagine the adorable tiny parachute pants.

19.) A line of used-up Keurig cups against the kitchen sink’s wall. Spent shells in the War on Exhaustion, molecules binding to receptor sites, blocking our ability to feel as tired as we actually are. It doesn’t change the reality of the situation but at least the feeling.

20.) Conspiracy theories on the far-left about vast business webs ruining the Earth on purpose as they know they can survive & profit off it are sadly bunk. It’s WORSE than that. The bastards no longer strategize at all. It’s This Quarter’s Profits & no plan beyond that whatsoever.

21.) Maybe you’re standing still but that also means you’re standing, still. These days, even that is an accomplishment.

22.) Self-pity isn’t quite as bad as they make it sound, provided you use it to teach you empathy for others. You can feel sorry for yourself, it’s okay, it’s just not the final step. It’s the first step toward realizing we all feel like that, most of the time.