no22 in idea barrages

1.) I want a reboot of “Home Improvement” where the Tim Taylor character is a gay fellow. I feel like it would not only be fun but it would anger all kinds of people whose voices shouldn’t matter in our culture, most of all Tim Allen himself.

2.) How many people on your timeline are freaking the hell out about lettuce that might give them a stomach ache but refuse to vaccinate their kids to actually save their lives? 2018 is the most American year of all in a bad way.

3.) Worshipers of Moby Dick leave their prayers at The Whaling Wall.

4.) Someone to “spoil and protect” or “support and worship” is boring as hell after a little while. Someone to “respect as an equal and have weird adventures with” that’s the good stuff. 50 Shades of Gray and Leave It to Beaver are equally borked models of love.

5.) Trump isn’t siding with the Saudi crime family because of shared business interests. That gives him too much strategic credit. Trump’s siding with them because he likes the idea of having journalists murdered for telling the truth.

6.) Big sale on MAD Magazine on Blech Friday.

7.) If you only hold out for perfect angels to lead you, the devils will just pour in as you bloviate, idealize and shuffle your feet. Goodness is accomplished through compromise, through hard work, incrementally. The inhumane come like thieves in the night.

8.) Growing up is watching an old movie again after decades and realizing the mom character was really cute.

9.) The correct one-liner for an action hero about to throw a molotov cocktail is, of course, “house warming gift!”

10.) The minor problems with quick & dirty revolutions are that there’s inevitably either a horrible backlash or it’s taken over by the people it tried to defeat in a generation’s time. The major problem is that people die in them and our highest calling is to ameliorate suffering.

11.) Love won’t come as a conquering warrior, love won’t come as a pretty 24-fps blur, love will come in rags as if a refugee. Love will come as the ancients came unto the hearth, in beggar clothes, hoping on your heart’s immunity to surface illusions.

12.) Chucks to pretend to confuse with each other to spice up a conversation: Palahniuk, Klosterman, Tingle.

13.) If you can’t Octoberfest me at my liverwurst, you won’t Octoberfest me at my Milwaukee’s Best.

14.) If you can look at your script notes and just barely make out the words “kind of a Tom Waits thing but with some Leonard Cohen, some of The Kurgan from Highlander and just a little Colossus powering up in the old X-Men arcade game” you probably had fun.