no9 in idea barrages

1.) Current song I sing to Ollie the dog: a version of Eleanor Rigby called “Oliver Fatty”.

2.) Distance from information on the instant is a rare and precious commodity these days.

3.) Call your giant machete “Cindy Lopper” why not, live a little.

4.) I’m weirdly pissed there was never a Nightmare On Elm Street that took place on a cruise ship called DREAMBOAT.

5.) “I’ll have the chicken on this terrible fast food salad GRILLED thankyouverymuch” always makes me feel like an Olympic sprinter. “Vinaigrette? How about LITE VINAIGRETTE? I’m training for a Tough Mudder.”

6.) A lifetime ago, my dentist was in Thousand Oaks, the woman I was with back then worked there. Every day, more people die for no reason and every day, some will say that it’s okay so they can keep their “right” to feel big and powerful. I’m tired. I’m so goddamned tired.

7.) If journalism isn’t being rude, it isn’t doing its job.

8.) Coyotes are just puppy dogs with bad public relations.

9.) I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how, as a straight man in this society, I so rarely have to worry that people who are nice to me are just lying to me in hopes of sex and… it sucks that so many people have to worry so much about that.