no7 in idea barrages

1.) Low-Carb Lifestyle Lifehack: frizzled onions don’t just have to go on green bean cassarole. Eat ‘em like chips, if you’re desperate enough!

2.) Tomorrow: the last day of calls and texts by political candidates looking for votes! Wednesday: the first day of calls and texts by political candidates fundraising for 2020.

3.) Your film about the back story behind Marilyn Monroe’s famous picture over a subway vent will be called GRATE EXPECTATIONS.

4.) Outside the conference room where the first convention of people who anthropomorphize retail chains then write them into romantic fan-fiction hung a banner that said “Welcome K-Mart Shippers”.

5.) Memes are the waste product. Memes are the food. We are an ouroboros fattened but lacking nutrition at the end of an age. Eat at Arbys.

6.) Remember: everything’s political. Everything. All of it. Anything you see as apolitical is something you’re privileged enough in where you can functionally personally regard it as apolitical. Disabuse yourself of the myth of apoliticality and see it all anew.

7.) If the Kool-Aid in Jonestown was poisoned, does that mean the brats in Johnsonville are too?

8.) Elon Musk is like an android programmed to be everything a 13 year old boy would think is cool and keeps malfunctioning because what 13 year old boys think is cool wouldn’t work as an actual person.

9.) I guess you could also do a Head Like A Hole parody starting with “DOUG FUNNIE” instead of “GOD MONEY”. That could work too.

10.) It’s a good day to remember that the Pledge used to say “one nation, indivisible” and then they later put “under God” in there to literally divide the statement.

11.) It’s a good day to remember that defacing the flag with a blue stripe to say that loyalty to the police matters more than the lives of minorities is 1,000x more disrespectful to the flag than an athlete kneeling to protest police brutality.

12.) To the fella at the polling place wearing the “proud to be deplorable” hat: I cancelled you out and, on top of that, I wasn’t the one wearing a dumb self-own of a hat.

13.) A really great pen name for things written under duress would be Justin Dure.

14.) I don’t know if I’ve ever driven to Fort Plain at night and there wasn’t fog. It’s like the clouds get lost between little falls and here and just… hang down low in hopes of eventually finding their place again.