too much barrage, too little time in idea barrages

1.) When you see an admitted serial sex-criminal push an attempted rapist onto the Supreme Court, tell me again how edgy you felt voting for a 3rd-party vanity candidate instead of the adult in the room. How pure & uncompromised you felt.

2.) A priest speaks of imaginary things pretending they’re true to feed you his lies. A storyteller admits she’s made it all up in hopes of helping you find your own truth.

3.) If match-making apps or websites worked, they’d all go broke in months. They get the repeat customers that fuel their business models precisely because they don’t work.

4.) The most romantic place in the world was a modest oceanside hotel, seabreeze through the window, old black & white cooking shows on the teevee. Not Paris, not Milan, not no dang ol’ casino, that’s for sure. There.

5.) If you watch that terrible Dr. Zit Pop show because it’s your fetish, I won’t judge or shame, but it’s the only imaginable reason. Otherwise, it’s just a power mix of boring and gross.

6.) If you only have a few regrets, it’s not that you lived on your own terms, it’s that you didn’t have enough imagination. I could live 1,000 different lives and still regret all the things I didn’t get to see or learn or try.

7.) If someone asks you your opinion on Batman’s junk being exposed in a comic book, just say “oh, my interest waxes and Waynes”.

8.) Screw the Magnum P.I. reboot, I’m still angry they didn’t name that lame mathematicians-as-detectives show “Numbers” “Magnum Pi” instead.

9.) Your band will only play a black metal cover of “The Moon And New York City” over and over for the entire set and you will call yourselves DEADLY MOORE.

10.) I always just assumed Bert and Ernie were brothers who lost their family in some sort of major trauma, leaving them emotionally-scarred and they developed weird obsessions like pigeons, rubber ducks and bottlecaps to cope.

11.) Say what you will about “Dark Knight Rises” but I hate the “Batman would NEVER quit” thing. I liked the idea that there’s at least one Elseworld where the guy gets to grow beyond His Scar, without succumbing to it or becoming it. Give him that one timeline.

12.) The stars don’t shine for you, no, they shine because of you. They’ll burn out there in the cold night with or without you, the light’s there either way but only in meeting your eyes does that neutral light become a meaningful shine.

13.) Nobody ever wrote a song about Johnny B Adequate but he was probably a better friend, neighbor, lover, whatever because he didn’t put so much time into the isolation of his craft. Maybe that’s more important than being Good(e).

14.) “I’ve never been more ready” is my default response because none of us have ever been ready for anything. Many put lots of time faking preparedness for others but no. We’ve never been ready for anything & never will.

15.) World-building’s cool. You know what’s REALLY cool? Theme-explication and character-advocacy.

16.) Why isn’t a half-marathon just called a “mara”?

17.) Before social media, forwarding chain letter scams was a childish faux-pas not a form of cultural currency.

18.) If Alice Cooper’s house isn’t called “Palace Cooper” he did his whole life wrong.

19.) Sometimes my NPR mind confuses Ira Glass and Ira Flatow into some sort of Ira Conflato.

20.) NFL coaches having to wear sponsored hoodies & jackets instead of nice suits is even more demeaning than MLB coaches having to wear players’ unis because, hey, at least everyone’s wearing it.

21.) Tea Party Tenney is so out of touch with reality that whenever the hell Musk finally gets a tourist to the moon, they’ll find her up there, frothing at the mouth about foreigners taking our jerbs.