au5 in idea barrages

1.) I tell the cat “Kitty wants pets? But kitty IS pets!” but he seems to not appreciate my sparkling wordplay.

2.) An emo insult comic with the stage name “Call Out Boy”.

3.) Tonight, I have realized that the worst hit rock song of all time was Evanescence “Wake Me Up” and… for all the terrible hit rock songs there have ever been… it’s kind of not even close.

4.) If the Twilight vampires had group sex, would that be a fang bang?

5.) Social networking is a series of tubes and so was the lead plumbing at the fall of Rome.

6.) To understand me best, you should know that my top three choices for baseball/pro-wrestling walk-up music would be Beastie Boys “No Sleep Til Brooklyn”, Guns N Roses “Dead Horse” & Built to Spill “Broken Chairs”.

7.) I still say we need a leftist country star named Traveler Fellows.

8.) If we could just get “tractor” going as a slang for penis, we could ruin tractor pulls for rednecks forever and, like, what better work in the world is there than that?

9.) Racists are cockroaches, we can never fully get rid of them, we can only drive them into the walls & stomp them out when they’re dumb enough to stumble into the light. The problem is that this fake president is a big old bag of spilled rancid dog food for the bugs to feast upon.

10.) Maybe because I was a bookish small town kid, sleepaway camp always sounded like summer jail to me. Why would I wanna be at the mercy of strangers when I could be home with my comics and my books and my teevee?