ju14 in idea barrages

1.) Whenever I see an ad for small engine repair, I imagine the Oompaloompas as the world’s most adorable mechanics.

2.) A rapping penguin called T-Peng.

3.) The fact that Kentucky Fried Chicken never advertised “popcorn chicken” with a Colonel/kernel pun only goes to show even moreso how I should be the one in charge of everything.

4.) Your musical about Chewbacca’s romance with his wife “Mala Mia” will actually have a good book and a charming score but the lyrics will be incomprehensible.

5.) Whenever I hear “Centerfold” and all its sex-work shaming, I think to myself “dude, you’re not sweeping her off her feet, she’s making a lot better money as a centerfold than you are in your weird bar-rock band, you ain’t no white knight.”

6.) “Why do we have to be named after you?” all of the associates of JD Power And Associates asked JD Power. “Do any of you have as cool a name as JD Power?” The associates fell silent.

7.) Interacting with “cheeky” social media accounts for brands becomes a lot less fun when you realize the person running it is a woefully underpaid intern who will probably be fired tomorrow for having even the slightest bit of fun with it.

8.) Tomorrow, the Trump people will commission the Department Of Adorable Animals On Buildings, having found out that’s all you need to distract all of America from anything. Nice tipping-your-hand, internet.