ma23 in idea barrages

1.) Oh, by the by, if you rant about how millenials “want everything handed to them” & want to be “treated like they’re special just because they’re born” but you were gaga over the wedding of a royal, the whole point of a royal being inherited wealth and significance, think it over.

2.) Just start calling hieroglyphs “egymoji” to mess with people.

3.) My satire of Batman would be “Bag-Of-Flour-Man”. Just a dude with peak human strength and a lot of bags of flour to throw at you. Good non-lethal damage and they make their own smoke screen!

4.) The “na-na-nas” in a verse of FAT ALBERT are roughly 20% of the “na-na-nas” in a verse of the 60s BATMAN theme. There is na-na math to be done to teach us the secrets of theme songs.

5.) Zuckerberg’s Law of Proximity: If there are multiple people in a facebook profile picture, the least conventionally attractive person in said picture is the actual operator of the account.

6.) I still think that whenever Tom Brady is watching GHOSTBUSTERS, he’ll sometimes yell “Bundchen makes me feel good!”

7.) A CGI Family Circus movie where every character is mo-capped by Andy Serkis.

8.) Your documentary dismantling conspiracy theories about water fluoridation will be called AN INCONVENIENT TOOTH.

9.) If I’m ever a professional video game player, a good nom de guerre would be “Skip Tutorial”.

10.) Your avocado-based MAD MEN cocktail will be called “Green Eggs And Hamm”.

11.) Adulthood is the moment you grow beyond compassion just for individuals you personally come across and compassion just for people in your self-identified tribe, adulthood is the moment you have compassion for the entire human race. A lot of people never get there.

12.) Your novel about bringing Blackbeard into the future to kill Nazis will be called PIECES OF HATE.

13.) Your horror film about pastries turning the tables and eating people will be called THE TEXAS BEARCLAW MASSACRE.

14.) Why would you call it a “super-size meal” when you could call it “entree, the giant”?

15.) Your album of U2 covers performed in a Wisconsin accent will be called “The Oshkosh B’goshua Tree”.

16.) Bautista, Reyes, Gonzalez… Mets, you realize you’re in the business of winning ballgames, not collecting the corpses of guys who were good seven years ago on minimum salary, right? Are you actively trying to THE PRODUCERS this thing?