ma22 in idea barrages

1.) If your brain is what makes you hot to the ladies, does that make you a thinkubus?

2.) This is probably not a great time to be a Norwegian named Hans Olo.

3.) Lots of people talk about how folks only put their happy stuff on facebook and try to “fake happiness until they make happiness” on facebook and… I’ve never been like that. If I’m feeling sad or weird, I share that. Am I facebooking wrong?

4.) Who growls incoherently instead of sings? GRUNGE-BOB FRAYED PANTS!

5.) Whenever a youtube channel says “link is in the description” I like to pretend they’re just getting really philosophical about the Legend of Zelda games.

6.) The fact that someone had to make up the term “Juuling” because “slightly stronger vaping” wouldn’t sell papers/get clicks/draw eyes to the local news, this fact tells you everything you need to know about how and why American journalism is dying.

7.) An expansion team being Good At Hockey is a wonderful story but there is something deep inside me yelling out: it is always bad when a warm-weather city has a good hockey team. Hockey outside of Canada, the Northeast and upper Midwest will always feel oogy to me.

8.) The best part about the fake president still trying to make this about Clinton is that… he knows in his heart, she is the legitimate leader of this country and he’s trying to sew chaos for her in case justice pivots us back to that truth. He’s in full salting-the-fields mode.

9.) A more honest name for the very short spring we get up here at the edge of the Adirondacks would simply be “ant season”.

10.) “Apologizing for scaring the dog while yelling at the ants” is a good sign of YOU HAVE BEEN ALONE TOO MUCH LATELY.

11.) Scorpio: You are taking astrology way the hell too seriously, it is a fun game to play but it says about as much a person as phrenology did. Leo: You are taking astrology way the hell too seriously, it is a fun game to play but it says about as much a person as phrenology did.

12.) The headline should’ve read “Successful Actress Marries In-Bred Trust Fund Baby For Some Reason” and you, in your heart of hearts, know this.

13.) IF THIS VAN’S A-ROCKIN’, IT’S PROB’LY DOKKEN

14.) Everything you do is detrimental to something, that’s just entropy taking its share from your hide. That doesn’t mean “don’t act”, it simply means “when you act, act with clear eyes and as much compassion as you can muster”.

15.) I had a dream about the end of the Trump regime. I had a dream about truth & reconciliation, I had a dream about a new national reconstruction, I had a dream about better closure with my father, I had a dream about connecting with a few lost almost-loves, I had a dream about being a dad myself, I had a dream about regrets undone, I had a dream about overthrowing monsters, I had a dream and it was pretty fun. Then, at 5:15AM, the cat started scratching the bedframe to be let out and here I was again.

16.) By 35, you should have realized that material goals are arbitrarily set by a consumer society to make you spend your money on crap and to make you vote against your own self-interest out of internalized hate.

17.) The cat and the dog either don’t understand that I need to sleep or don’t care. It’s definitely one or the other.

18.) If your freedom is built on the back of someone else’s suffering, it isn’t freedom, it’s just tyranny you’ve wrapped in freedom’s candy shell that you might better wallow in the fruits of oppression.

19.) There’s something to the life of a marionette, being beholden to a pull from above instead of gravity’s terrible reckoning. Might even be worth being on something else’s strings.

20.) A 2018 Blessing: May the dudes and/or ladies up on your jock be the dudes and/or ladies you WANT up on your jock.

21.) Your Halloween costume will be a bottle of whiskey and a sheet with three holes in it, two for your eyes, one to drink the whiskey through. When asked, you will claim to be Charles BOO-kowski.

22.) If there’s any real difference between us & the other animals, it’s the ability to make complex art. If you think a supernatural force is behind it all, we must be like this for a reason, we must be here to art but still, so many humans chase power & control like any other beast.

23.) I wonder if a religious missionary has ever watched Star Trek and realized that they are the Borg, rolling through the world, destroying everything unique and special about someone else’s culture to absorb them into what they believe to be their own perfection.

24.) A sex toy you can reconfigure the shape called a Pubic’s Tube.

25.) “MY NAME’S SONNY/THESE KIDS WON’T TAKE MY MONEY/THE COCOA DANCE/IS MY CHANCE/TO SCORE SOME PUFFS”