ma12 in idea barrages

1.) No man is an island, not even Islandman. (He’s actually an isthmus.)

2.) I like to believe that when the actor who voiced Admiral Akbar was told to try out for the role by his agent, he thought about it then shrugged and said “well… it’s a part.”

3.) I sort of like the fact that we could refer to Rasputin as “Felonious Monk” and we could be more or less correct.

4.) Yeah Spidey taps his fingertips/then he thwips/he thwips/he thwips.

5.) Your luxury hip-hop clothing line will be called Tupac Couture, until you’re sued into oblivion, of course.

6.) Don’t be a Pat Beenatar, be a Pat Amatar.

7.) Is the Batman villain Two-Face circumcised or does he still have his eight-skin?

8.) Creating a pun is like natural childbirth, a long painful stretch and then in the end, you’ll love it even if it’s awful because it’s yours.

9.) There are not enough jokes about the fake president thinking he’s a king and god that involve the phrase “Orange Julius” by the by.

10.) Up here in the foothills of the Adirondacks, it is not a confirmation, a graduation, sex, marriage or a bar mitzvah when you become a man. It is while you single-handedly manage to pull a tick off the cat. So, like, hello ladies.

11.) If someone’s making gumbo, just say “well look at you, aren’t you a regular roux maclanahan?”

12.) Really, what is a merkin but an area rug?

13.) If only I could get the dog to convert to a faith where one of the tenets is that one doth not covet the cat’s food.

14.) People always say that online “there’s a fetish for everything” but I think the fact there is online an obsessive collector’s market for everything is more deeply disturbing. Is it just that I rightly consider sex more natural than commerce?

15.) I wonder how many other people ended up with communications degrees because you don’t have to do academic footnoting for a screenplay.

16.) The absent-minded goth accidentally screamed into the Noid instead of glimpsing the fundamental darkness of the universe, she simply ruined her pizza.

17.) Am I “an old” to say that I miss when Twitter wasn’t just this weird glut of Russian-backed neo-nazi-bots and confusing food-delivery service brand-deals, when it was mostly just kids saying hello to famous people and weirdos competing to make the most obscure joke?

18.) I would never say that I look a “snack” but there are times that I could pass for an extra-value meal.