apr25 in idea barrages

1.) An Alanis parody built around the line “THERE’S A SHOPP-ING LIST IN MY POCKET AND IT’S WHAT I’M GONNA USE FOR MY LYRICS”.

2.) If your ear falls off, is that deaf leprosy?

3.) It’s a giant virtual home for priests and clergy to discuss the joys and troubles of following their calling. It’s like a huge e-rectory.

4.) What nobody took into account when John said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus was how short people were 2,000 years ago. Yeah, they probably were a lot bigger!

5.) If you put all your My Little Ponies in a display case, does that mean they’re shelf-stable?

6.) These post-modern hipster kids with their “Metamucil”. Back in OUR day, regular old mucil would make us poop, thankyouverymuch.

7.) An album of Johnny Cash covers by Ke$ha would be called “Ca$ha” and it would be fascinatingly terrible. ALSO: your local co-op would be flooded with the tie-in product “Ca$ha Kasha”.

8.) In Buffalo, they don’t use fancy terms like “crippling ennui”, they just call it “lackawanna”.

9.) There’s a huge Scarlet Witch fanbase out in Buffalo, they’re not going to be happy with Infinity War unless there’s a Tonawanda.

10.) Troll people by putting Superman’s dog on your cryptocurrency.

11.) A soft contemplative acoustic cover of “Down With The Sickness” about having made your peace with the sickness.

12.) I can’t wait forever. I can’t, wait forever! I can’t wait, Forever! I can’t wait forever.

13.) If you say “Duck” twice, the game is Duck Duck Goose. If you can hold out and say “Duck” one hundred and forty-four times in a row, congratulations, the game has become Duck Duck Gross.

14.) I dare you to include in your review the line “Infinity War is so hot at the box office, Thanos may as well be played by Josh BROILIN’!”

15.) The rise in popularity of tantric sex has been a long time coming.

16.) A pie chart about what kinds of pie you eat.

17.) Why would you call it “vaping marijuana” when you could have called it “porta e-pot”?

18.) Your bank account is addicted to having money and suffers from withdrawal.

19.) Twitter ruined the Turing Test by training us to write more like bots.

20.) FRAGGLE ROCK is all in Sprockets’ mind. He sees mice running around and built up this whole world in his head. It is a show about what happens when a dog is too smart for his own good. It is a metaphor for being human.

21.) When the dog eats the cat’s food, he is doing it because he is a greedy little piggy. When the cat eats the dog’s food, he is doing it to spite the dog. Needless to say, I respect the cat’s point of view more.

22.) Here’s your SAT analogy: Trump is to neo-fascism as Pauly Shore was to stand-up comedy. An unfunny sack of catchphrases nobody really finds interesting but they have to pretend to like him because his parent owns the building.