apr14 in idea barrages

1.) I know Ollie has never seen any of the EVIL DEAD movies, he couldn’t understand him if he did, he’s a dog. However sometimes I look at him and in his eyes I see the phrase “Good boy? Bad boy? I’m the dog with the barks.”

2.) A Peter Gabriel parody about someone trying to figure out exactly what salisbury steak is?

3.) The people who want power and acclaim because there’s a hole where their self-worth should be aren’t nearly as bad as the people who want power and acclaim because that’s how you can get away with the REAL sick atrocities. The first group always enables the second, of course.

4.) INTERNET PRO-TIP: anyone begging you to “wait for both sides” knows that “their side” has done something absolutely miserably horrifying and is buying time in hopes they can find a wizard to go back in time and undo it, somehow.

5.) What kills me about our politics is the way the far-left constantly talks about solidarity but when Democrats said “ok, let’s get together in solidarity against the guy literally surrounded by Nazis” they threw a Veruca Salt hissy fit about Jill Stein and let the Nazis march in.

6.) Little Falls NY: 4,500 people, 25 bars, 576 pizza joints. (578, two opened while I was composing this tweet. 577.)

7.) You don’t care if the San Francisco Bay floods or not, come hella high water.

8.) Twitter keeps telling me someone named Nicki Minaj released two singles today through the #NickiDay hashtag and all I can say is she probably should have released three to make it a minaj-a-trois.

9.) Have they done a Reddit AMA with Groot yet? I wonder how long they could keep the gag going.

10.) A Star Wars/Star Trek mash-up that results in Han Sulu.

11.) I don’t even know what a “venture socialist” would be but I’m certain that calling yourself it would make steam come out the ears of a Fox News host. There’d be a 1940s factory lunch whistle sound while it happened.

12.) Do they call them “unboxing videos” on youtube because they realize “opening videos” would be taken in a very… different way?

13.) When Star Trek went back to the ‘80s to save the whales, they really really really really need to have gotten at least one person in a rad shirt killed.

14.) Dr. Oz shouldn’t be going around treated like an expert nutritionist any more than a nutritionist should be your heart surgeon. Knowing a whole lot about a thin sliver of modern medicine doesn’t mean you have anything more than a passing knowledge of other specialized fields.