apr12 in idea barrages

1.) I hope that at Cirque de Soliel, the souvenir stand is called Merch de Soliel.

2.) “Shopaholic” is such a dated judgemental word. They vastly prefer “retail-oriented” these days.

3.) The most confusing element of the Fantasy Island spin-off “Fantasy Farm” was that you never knew if Tattoo was yelling about critics or heavy machinery when he yelled “de tractors, boss, de tractors!”

4.) I love how the success of the “Red Copper Pan” products in infomercials has lead to knock off products coated in a thin layer of copper for no functional reason. Looking at YOU “Copper Knife” in the Nelliston Big Lots.

5.) Maybe the Colossus of Rhodes wasn’t actually a statue of Helios at all, maybe it was actually in honour of some great general of the time, some kind of Rhodes Warrior.

6.) AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON ONTARIO would be basically 90 minutes of jokes about reacting very politely to being mauled to death by a monster, running the joke so far into the ground that it managed to be funny again.

7.) The fake president Trump lifted travel restrictions on Chad, assuming it was his old frat brother Chad. One of the frat brothers named Chad, anyway, there were several.

8.) If you ever meet a member of Metallica, praise them up and down for their album “St. Anger” but keep pronouncing it “Stanger”. Say it as “Stanger” as often as you possibly can without completely tipping your hand. Commit to the bit.

9.) Don’t hate the cosplaya, hate the cosgame.

10.) Sometimes I think how much better TREMORS would be if it were TREVORS and it was just these long chains of preppy white dudes named Trevor that were underground causing havoc and the dad from Family Ties would have to put them down.

11.) At some point, Slimfast has been purchased in bulk.

12.) Maybe the real friends were the characters in FRIENDS they made up along the way all along.

13.) Is an iron statue of a Civil War trumpeteer a ferrous bugler?

14.) Violence (or threat thereof) is not freedom’s guarantor. Shared civil society is & contributing to that common-wealth’s health is how you make it so. Violence may “protect” you personally in a short term but violence devolves into dictatorship or feudalism long-term, not freedom.

15.) Creating a sitcom about beekeepers just so that they can, at the series finale, all sing “It’s A Long Way To Apiary” as the slowest burn “Mary Tyler Moore Show” reference of all time is exactly the kind of thing I think the world needs more of. Commit to the bit.