apr9 in idea barrages

1.) I’ll believe superheroes can fly, I’ll believe film characters can time-travel, I’m no stickler. But despite the fact I’m sure there’s some off-hand reason for why 2040 kids would be nostalgic for my 1980s childhood in READY PLAYER ONE, I could never suspend THAT much disbelief.

2.) If you ever have to write an article about a really successful Canadian men’s Olympic snowboarder, may I suggest the title “BRO CANADA”?

3.) A honey wheat variation of Colt .45 called DILLY BEE WILLIAMS would be awful but maybe awful enough to break reality that it might be fixed. Let’s do this.

4.) Some well-meaning academic accidentally wished on a monkey’s paw to “know what The Fall of Rome” was like. This is the most logical explanation I can come up with for Where We Are Now, at least at four in the morning.

5.) Octopi just can’t fight fair, every punch is a sucker punch.

6.) An equally pretentious and self-effacing slogan for me would be “Avoiding Bildungsroman Since 1979”.

7.) I’m sure there’s fan-fiction that posits Mary Jane Watson as being a descendant of Doctor Watson but I hope it works it out in a really absurd way. Time travel, magic, something like that.

8.) HOT TAKE: if a superhero chest logo doesn’t have a line of bilateral symmetry, it had better be something REALLY iconic/simple/recognizable like a single letter, a single number, a lightning bolt, etc because otherwise, it just hurts peoples’ eyes.

9.) The main difference between the right-wing reaction to mental illness PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS, LAZY GUY and the fringe-left SMELL SOME WATER THAT BRIEFLY HAD VANILLA IN IT LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW SECRETS is in tone. Otherwise they’re equally stupid, cruel & unhinged.

10.) Two hundred years of the names of generals and kings, gilded into the wall of an ancient palace, will not tell you one ten-thousandth about that society as compared to one cuneiform tablet concerning a dispute over a shipment of grain. It will be the same for our day too.

11.) If you’re part of a group that is developing cruelty-free synthetic steaks in a laboratory, are you a Meta-Meat Teammate?