apr4 in idea barrages

1.) Leave it to the fake president to find someone more goddamned evil than Amazon to make them look sympathetic in comparison: himself.

2.) HOT TAKE: “Hearty” tomato soups with big chunks of tomato in them miss the entire idea of being tomato soup.

3.) Right wing claims of a “deep state” were always their own conspiracy yelling about someone else’s imaginary conspiracy so that when you pointed out their own actual collusion, they’d already made the concept sound crazy.

4.) The story of any good uncle should end in an auntie-climax.

5.) Wizard Garfield is all “I Hate Mundanes”.

6.) Oh and now the fake president is promising military force against an imaginary threat by minorities. You say that Trump isn’t fascism? Normalizing his hate and power in small and big ways like Sinclair, bullying Amazon, Roseanne, etc? How blind were you all?

7.) Has a gluten-free recipe been de-floured?

8.) If you must trust-fall, don’t cross your arms. Splay out like a “Y”, tuck your head, make the broad of your back as wide as you can to better absorb the blow. The ones you trusted may well disappear or might be too weak to catch you. Prepare to minimize harm. This is a metaphor.

9.) Every once in a while, I catch myself in the mirror, looking handsome from an odd angle and I wonder, why can’t I always feel like this?

10.) In the wake of yet another shooting because there’s too many damn guns, remember: sometimes conflicting reports come out from confused reporting in the heat of the moment. Do not mistake confused spur-of-the-moment reports for “facts” later covered-up in your “conspiracy theory”.

11.) Isn’t there a birth control product named “Yaz”? Have they done a “Yaz Queen” ad campaign to chase Twitter lingo that’s been out of date for four years, like every other brand is doing?

12.) I hate cancelling and dropping out of things but I’m learning to accept that I’m not in a good place for anything other than handling what’s close and immediate right now. It is a lesson I have a hard time with, not spreading myself too thin because I WANT to be everywhere and do everything but… yeah… especially not now, I guess.

13.) Yankees fans boo the best hitter on the damn planet while us Mets fans have to deal with the corpses of Cabrera and Gonzalez as the right-side of our infield. PERSPECTIVE.

14.) Someone told Mike Huckabee that the GOP was now a bad joke and, God bless the unfettered moron, he took them literally and devoted his Twitter feed to the least-funny jokes imaginable. JESUSING. CHRIST.