apr1 in idea barrages

1.) All of the Avengers Infinity War trailers make me sing “Teenage Groot-ent’s Handheld Console, TEENAGE GROOT-ENT’S HANDHELD CONSOLE, TEENAGE GROOT-ENT’S HANDHELD CONSOLE! SORT OF LIKE NINTENDO! BUT IN SPACE!”

2.) There was a desk at the Amsterdam Goodwill with a sign that said “For help, ring bell” and next to the sign was a bicycle horn. It was the most 2018 thing to ever happen.

3.) Your yearly reminder that April Fools Day is literally the least funny day of the year to prank or hoax. Everyone is expecting it. It is the opposite of funny. It is not clever. It is exceedingly dull and predictable.

4.) the trouble with dreams
is there are no in-betweens
you’re awake or you’re asleep
either way, you’re in too deep

5.) To be fair, faking your own execution then coming back to your friends three days later, whole and alive, would be a hell of an April Fools joke. A lot better than making your website “wacky” for a day.

6.) If we allow a hipster and a redneck to breed, the child would grow a mullet man-bun or a “bumlet” and one of the seven seals is broken.

7.) At the point of full legalization, sell bouquets of pot brownies on sticks for holidays and special occasions as EDIBLE DERANGEMENTS.

8.) Your redneck werewolf film will be called HONKY-TONK WOLFMEN. If you can get the rights from the Rolling Stones for the title credits song, even better.