mar29 in idea barrages

1.) Look, I agree with Sanders on about 90% percent of things but is there anything more tone-deaf than saying “hey, let’s run an 80 year old white guy out there in 2020 whose followers allowed Vladimir Putin the White House by voting for Mickey Mouse or Jill Stein!”? C’mon.

2.) Gender reveal parties are such a weird thing. Maybe not consciously sexist but strange all the way down. The only way to redeem them would be to subvert them with absurdisms. A gender reveal party where the options are “Phil Collins” and “Peter Gabriel”, I dunno.

3.) A cobbled-together cash-in reboot of a dated sitcom a decade and a half too late is grossly out of touch with the reality of the world today? The HELL you say! Normalizing fascism by making the lead of a sitcom a supporter of that fascist movement? You want ants, Lana? Because this is how you get ants.

4.) A POEM ABOUT TWITTER:

Mute button, beautiful mute button
monsters barrage me with their hateful memes.
Mute button, beautiful mute button
I no longer see their continuing impotent screams.

5.) If we started a Fringe Festival but devoted to so-bad-its-good stuff, would it be a Cringe Festival?

6.) Your film about Santa’s elves succumbing to a zombie plague will be called THE DEAD OF WINTER. It will be terrible.

7.) A powerful weapon in an RPG called “Epic Flail”.

8.) Even if George R.R. Martin’s middle initials aren’t “Rail Road”, let’s all admit that it would be cooler if they were.

9.) If Groot became an ear nose and throat doctor, would he be an ENT ent?

10.) Sell fancy roofing as “Francis Ford’s Cupolas”. Await the world’s funniest lawsuit.

11.) “Twister” is the anti-Jerry Maguire on VHS, just as ubiquitous, similar font, confuses me for a Jerry sometime. DAMN YOU, TWISTER!

12.) You know what’s fun? Swearing in French and then saying “pardon my French”. Like “MERDE! …pardon my French.”

13.) People are telling me UNSANE is a good movie but, man, it might be the worst movie title I’ve ever heard in my life.

14.) Wisdom from my brother: “Nothing good happens at a buffet”.