mar30 in idea barrages

1.) Did “Ready Player One” finally overload nostalgia-for-nostalgia’s-sake? It looks so empty and masturbatory. Will the sequel just be a bunch of people talking about how much they liked the first one?

2.) You may think it’s a joke to put Easter Bunnies on the endangered species list but, really, they’re a dyeing breed.

3.) If there’s ever a teen CW type show about an American kid’s culture shock moving to New Zealand, legally it will have to be called AUCKWARD!

4.) Every time someone buys the “economic anxiety” excuse, we’re an inch closer to jackboots in the streets. Yes, the economy sucks but “economically anxious white folk” bought Trump’s lie that you could fix it by persecuting brown people BECAUSE THEY ARE RACISTS. Never forget that.

5.) Something particular sad about a laundromat closing down. You know a laundromat’s only there because every other kind of business failed in that spot first. All that could work there now is a low-quality tattoo parlor or a bodega selling stuff that “fell off the back of a truck”.

6.) Big ups to the e-mail scammer telling me Netflix lost my credit card data and is suspending my account unless I give it to them again. LIKE A WRITER COULD AFFORD TO PAY FOR HIS OWN NETFLIX.

7.) Whenever someone says reiki twice in a row, I pretend they’re scratching a record.

8.) Under Armor workout gear on the internet of things has been hacked? Man, being out of shape just keeps paying off more and more every day.

9.) And then there was the famous 1950s French comedian, Soupy Snails.

10.) President Frankenstein has only appointed humans to positions so far but he loves telling everyone how he has binders full of wolfmen.

11.) An elite group of exposition masters called The Backstory Boys.

12.) Any time you’re getting yelled at by extremists on many sides at once, you’re probably doing something right.