mar3 in idea barrages

1.) If the human race survives without another dark age, in a couple hundred years, they’ll look upon our culture’s holy veneration of the gun, our American cult of death, the same way we look upon ritual human sacrifice in our past. Mad blind barbarism.

2.) A parody of “Raspberry Beret” about my brand new bidet?

3.) Vicki Lawrence is now more or less the age that her character on MAMA’S FAMILY was supposed to be and the only thing that’s weirder than being human is being a human interacting with the concept of time.

4.) It is astonishing how quickly this area stops giving a damn about college basketball when Syracuse is bad. It’s not a judgement in any direction, just a statement of fact.

5.) Kinky vegans use quinoa balls.

6.) If we weren’t inured to the ecstatic awe of being able to perceive our own existence, we wouldn’t get a damned thing done, still, it’s a hell of a shame that we are because, without those blinders, Christ, this thing is beautiful, these people are beautiful. Being is beautiful.

7.) If the aliens decide they especially like the taste of the Irish, will they call their farms ginger-bred houses?

8.) Any time you call something a [Concept] Daddy, it sounds not like a product for that action or against that state, it sounds like someone with a fetish for that thing. Dust Daddy sounds like someone with a dust fetish. Scrub Daddy sounds like someone with a scrubbing fetish. Etc.

9.) I hope I live long enough to see Martians allowed into the priesthood so I can call them “Collared Greens”.

10.) The universe, like our repairs to the front steps of our deck, seems built by someone with a strong theoretical idea of how to do the job but none of the time, proper tools or proper materials to do a truly competent job.

11.) Kentucky Fried Vegan - It’s Finger Lichen Good!

12.) Despite all the other sadness and madness in my life, I will say, got the test results back and my A1C is in the mid-5s and officially back out of the diabetic range. Barely eating any carbs since October is paying off and that’s something. Currently snacking on unsalted peanuts.

13.) Horror movies are like robots, always worse when they’re self-aware.

14.) If a cryptocurrency dies and is resurrected, is it a cryptcurrency?

15.) All the churches got together and paid the paper for a little cross-promotion.

16.) The song to make Ollie poop is now “I take care of this fat little dog, I take care of this fat little dog, I take care of this fat little dog, all the goddamned time…“