march opener in idea barrages

1.) No British food stuff sounds more like a made-up food stuff from a 90s science-fiction series than “Jaffa Cakes”. You can totally see Quark selling jaffa cakes alongside that Klingon coffee “Raktajino” and you damned well know it.

2.) Of course intolerance of the intolerant is the highest form of tolerance. Duh, of course it is. Tolerance is the protection and embracing of all our variations, fighting fascism is tolerance’s highest calling, don’t let little hateful pissants try to math their way out of it.

3.) Enjoy the weather as it is now because we up in northern New York state have a saying: March comes in like an asshole and it leaves like an asshole too.

4.) Batman got into a fight over a woman, risking his being discovered to be a bruised swain.

5.) Genghis Khan was addicted to conquering and eventually ended up in a twelve steppe program.

6.) Of course the dogs freak out when they see each other. When you’re kidnapped by giant aliens and kept as an amusement, you’ll freak out when you see the occasional human too.

7.) Ah, the Prosperity Gospel, the final stage of the Protestant Work Ethic, like a Pokemon evolution, worse and worse and worse until its ultimate form.

8.) “Gnomeo and Juliet”, “Sherlock Gnomes”, when will they stop with this abuse of twisted gnomenclature?

9.) Sometimes history class seemed so much like it was really just military history that they should’ve just called it Conflicts (Of Interest).