ja31 in idea barrages

1.) Do you think I sing “Smooth Criminal” to my mom’s dog? Of course I do. OLLIE ARE YOU OKAY, ARE YOU OKAY, ARE YOU OKAY OLLIE

2.) State of the Union? Jesus Christ, let’s be serious, if I was forced to expose myself to the incoherent ramblings of an admitted rapist, I’d binge that Mike Tyson cartoon on Adult Swim.

3.) If everyone decent knows something is awful and everyone awful is in favour of it, that doesn’t make it a “divisive issue”. That makes it an obvious thing that jerks are holding onto, just to be dicks about it.

4.) A pieta but instead of Mother Marty holding wounded Christ, it’s Ronald McDonald cradling a vomiting bastard Trump.

5.) Don’t let nobody else make you old, no one else’s words or opinions or jobs or expectations or laws or ideas. Oh, someday, yes, your body will make you old because that’s how being alive works. But only let your body make you old. Nobody else.

6.) Who do you think Jesus would want to sit down and split a bottle of wine with? A person who tries their best to live in compassion but thinks He was just one of history’s great philosophers… or a cruel greedy heartless bastard who is sure that He was magic?

7.) The documentary about the eventual discovery of the Trump-Russian-hookers watersports video will, of course, be called “A Piss To Build A Dream On”.

8.) The nerdiest parody I could possible write would be the rap “Liches Ain’t Shit But Bones With Tricks”.

9.) I come to Twitter for the pedants and scolds, sure, but I STAY for the sea of strangers not giving me the validation I need for my random opinions and jokes. I… think I have A Twitter Problem.