dxxvi in idea barrages

1.) Here’s your Christmas present: you can name your band Freak Sinatra.

2.) Maybe the REAL Harvey Danger was in knowing that it would all fall apart after a single absurd radio hit all along.

3.) Mostly Chuck The Controller is just a guy who’s bad at video games but when he gets REALLY angry, he can throw the game pad with like superhuman strength and speed. Chuck The Controller is like a discount Hulk.

4.) It’s a Marie Callendar calendar of the month calendar, every month you see one of the top twelve calendars from last year plus some coupons for mediocre frozen dinners.

5.) We developed the technology to make Christmas songs out of meows and barks but never saw it all the way through. We stopped there, like we stopped at the moon. They needed to make an album of Who covers made all with farts and called WHO FARTED? but gave up the project too soon.

6.) In Soviet Christmas Novelty Song, Reindeer’s Grandmother Runs Over YOU.

7.) We need less people who think it’d be cool to be super-villains in charge of things & a lot more people who strive to be superheroes even though that isn’t possible in charge of things. If you like being a villain, you misunderstand generationally transmitted morality deepiy.

8.) Here is something good about being childless and in my middle 30s, I don’t know what the hell Paw Patrol is but apparently some people with kids had to find the HELL out of some damn Paw Patrol. I am sorry, friends. I am sorry there is Paw Patrol to hurt you.

9.) In the original draft, he said “BAH! HAMJUG!” but drinking fermented ham from a jug is only a Christmas tradition in a few English towns so they just made up a silly word instead.

10.) The first beef jerky to include a desiccant pack specifically designed for picking your teeth with after you’re done eating will own the beef jerky market for years and years.

11.) Merry Holidays. Be good to each other. Jesus & Moses & Muhammad & Buddha & so on, the prophets weren’t telling you what days to yell at each other to call holidays, they were telling you to be decent to each other because we’re all in this together. Be decent to each other.

12.) Those who only see power through violence are called Brutilitarians.