d5 in idea barrages

1.) The best name for an emo band ever would be ATTEMPTED MARTYR and I hope emo has realized this.

2.) “Vanilla Frozen Dairy Dessert Sandwiches With Chocolatey Coating”. Frozen Ding-Dongs, that is so many goddamned legal evasion words, I cannot be sure your box isn’t simply filled with boiling tar.

3.) New Local Business Man was inspired to train himself until he was the greatest at starting new local businesses after, as a child, his parents were murdered in an alleyway after a screening of Zorro by a giant piece of ribbon.

4.) I hope there’s a celebrity power couple named Marty and Ian some day so that their Bennifer can be MARTIAN.

5.) Your OK Go cover band will be called Substandard Go.

6.) “Why is your upper back so tight?” the masseuse asked the screenwriter. “Rising tension in the second act.”

7.) Our reality became RED DAWN so slowly we didn’t even notice.

8.) Hawaiian pizza is Hawaii’s revenge for our colonization of their land and, while it is not on the scale of colonization, we certainly deserve the punishment.

9.) The key to understanding her is that only one of her parents is Lovato, she is not immortal but has some of the magic powers of a Lovato, she is merely a demi-Lovato.

10.) Rome poisoned to death by lead plumbing, our democracy too to the tubes filled with Russia’s fake news, so go all the empires, I guess.

11.) I want a musical about the followers of a giant telepathic gorilla supervillain called GRODDSPELL because I am the biggest nerd.

12.) Here’s the real secret: Trump supporters know this is going to screw them over hard. They just think its gonna screw brown people and women and gays and non-Christians over a lot harder and so they think it’s worth it. These are the politics of imagined grievance.

13.) The Creature From The Black Lagoon was actually green, if that isn’t green privilege, what is? Kermit doesn’t know how good he has it.

14.) Of course they’re tricking you into hating lawyers and journalists, what are our last two lines of defense against tyranny short of armed revolt? Journalists and lawyers.

15.) Hit on the caricature artist at the ren faire by yelling “PAINT ME LIKE YOU DO YOUR WENCH GIRLS!”

16.) 83% of all problems in history were caused by people thinking the’re the baseline human experience. Their faith, their diet, their orientation, how much heat they run in the winter. Your experience is your own, it probably only applies to you. Be yourself, be humane, that’s all.

17.) World of Warcraft fans celebrate The Feast of Winter Veil by festooning their roast pig with the new whimsical tradition of Orc On A Pork.

18.) Reality: Nazis just gutted our tax code to buy more yachts. Facebook: HERE IS A VIDEO OF A SNAKE COMING OUT OF A BOX OF CEREAL 100,000 TIMES!