d3 in idea barrages

1.) When your brother has mining claims in the desert and people call Black Lives Matter “BLM”, you think they mean “Bureau of Land Management” and you get really really confused.

2.) One’s a cop with deep Scandinavian roots, the other’s a cop that is a walking talking pickle. Together they bring balance to the justice system as SWEDE AND SOUR.

3.) There are times I feel like a fathoms-deep bucket of oyster spit without a single grain of grit with which to produce a pearl.

4.) A fifty percent off sale on all copies of The Princess Diaries is called a “Halfaway”.

5.) Chocolate croissants look like a deuce freshly dropped. I’m sure they’re delicious but I can’t picture them any other way.

6.) Slowly shake a can of imitation supermarket parm onto someone’s head and whenever they protest just yell “SEASON’S GRATINGS!” and run off laughing maniacally.

7.) The real downside to a job in Golgotha outside of Jerusalem is the commute, everyone hates that Crosstown traffic.

8.) It seems like local florists have finally gotten the memo that advertising it as a ‘Kissing Ball’ and not ‘KISSING BALLS!’ is 83% hilariously awkward while still identifying the holiday decoration they’re selling and for that I salute them.