n15 in idea barrages

1.) The Starbucks ad said “turkey stuffing panini” but there was not a single bird fixing sandwiches in the back. Just dumb ol’ people. Nothing exceptional about a person stuffing a panini. Had a turkey been doing it, maybe I’d’a bought in. Rip-off.

2.) If a skeleton army invades northern California and you, as a newspaper editor, don’t run with the headline HELLATONS! you frankly deserve the skeletons slowly smashing through your newsroom barricades and claiming your bones as their own.

3.) In France, they don’t call him LeBron, they call him “a Bron with Cheese”.

4.) Does Bjork have children? Did anyone ever send her a balloon that said “It’s A Bjoy”?

5.) These billionaires all waste their money on mansions and sports teams and private armies. I would definitely re-shoot Shawshank Redemption with Super Mario Brothers characters in all the roles just to get to the punchline of Super Mario emerging from that sewer pipe in the rain.

6.) The crown jewel of your line of cosmetics for stoners will be Aminita Mascara.

7.) Spike Lee’s remake of THE CRAFT would have to be called DO THE RITE THING.

8.) Every Jethro Tull song except each flute part is replaced with a loop of the magic whistle song from the original Legend of Zelda.

9.) A bunch of London Broil meat-glued together is known as a flankenstein.

10.) If you take Intro To Construction Equipment, bear in mind that the lectures are pretty boring but the labs are riveting.

11.) I mean, I’m not going to rewrite the entire musical EVITA to be about Velveeta but only because it would be too much work, not because it’s a bad idea.