I'm full of ideas. And probably something else too. in idea barrages

1.) The good thing about The Orville is that it’s the first Seth MacFarlane show that even Fox admits isn’t funny.

2.) Reality has a liberal bias. The truth has a liberal bias. It’s not our fault we’re right, Trumpies.

3.) When America finally fully legalized cannabis, will companies start putting out “pre-Prohibition strains”?

4.) The Nobel Committee should tell Trump that he won an award then when he shows up, give him the Nobel Piss Prize.

5.) When you ask me if I want a beach body, I will respond “beached whales are definitely on the beach, bro”.

6.) Your incredibly generous superhero with earth and fire powers will be called Magmanimous.

7.) Who cares if the good you’re doing is performative? For humans, every single thing is performative. What matters is doing good.

8.) I finally realized that “Start Me Up” is a supremely creepy song about an old man who feels he deserves and is owed sex whenever horny.

9.) Can’t spell “compassion” without “compass” because that’s what it is. When you don’t know what to do, head in the direction of compassion.

10.) Some day, when you are long dead, you will still be receiving junk e-mail from businesses where you bought gifts for your exes.

11.) Trying to make a pretend scandal out of the fact that a campaign did opposition research is like being scandalized that the sun rose.

12.) I use “goddamn” so much not because it is a weaker curse, rather as it is the strongest. An invisible monster torturing you for eternity.

13.) People make curses out of sex or pooping, but those are happening all the time. God damning someone, that’s a curse I can get behind.

14.) Army recruitment placards popping up all over these rural stretches of highway and road. Ominous.

15.) Saw a half-American half-Confederate flag, thought to myself “if only there were a flag for all those states. OH RIGHT, THE AMERICAN FLAG!”

16.) Holmes as not some supreme genius, rather as a drug-addled layabout that simply has the time to think that most do not.

17.) I like to believe that you could drive away zombie doctors with apples.

18.) In October half of Twitter turns their names to “Annoying Halloween Name”. Whatever the Halloween name I just see “Annoying Halloween Name”

19.) Make love like you’re starving because you probably are.

20.) The next mimetic mutation coming is calling pandas “non-trash raccoons”.

21.) Lazy Halloween Idea: Just take last year’s skeleton costume, add a cowboy hat and a mask, say you’re The Bone Ranger.

22.) It’s like a serial killer putting a frog on his shirt and saying “I’m not a serial killer, I’m alt-life!” and people buying it.

23.) If you let the Star Wars convention and the furry convention mingle, you could end up in a very sticky Wicket.

24.) Go to the bakery at the renaissance faire and start singing “LET THE BAWDIES HIT THE FLOUR, LET THE BAWDIES HIT THE FLOUR!”