best barrage in a while in idea barrages

1.) Pumpkin Spice Rice Krispie Treats are a way for the cereal company to say “Maybe this society isn’t worth saving.”

2.) The pianist could only mutter “every good boy deserves fudge” over and over again. A clear case of mnemonic possession.

3.) If you’re dating Olivia Munn and you’re not singing “Born To Munn” to her constantly, what’s even the point?

4.) You yell at my generation for getting participation trophies then you yell at us for tearing down Confederate statues. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

5.) Whoever runs on the platform “when you get to 50,000 tweets your student loans are forgiven” will win the 2020 election.

6.) LinkedIn is the Myspace of underemployment.

7.) “That’s my secret, Cap” I said turning away from Captain America “I can ALWAYS complain.”

8.) A youtube channel about sewer work called The Vlog of Eternal Stench.

9.) The Jetsons never had a guest appearance by “Roy Orbitson” which is, of course, unforgivable.

10.) I’m back in college in my nightmares lately. Oh, I’m also battling werewolves or in a multiversal vortex but also college now.

11.) Gandalf foresaw there would be help disposing of the One Ring. It was an elf-fulfilling prophecy.

12.) The quadruple red-eye is the Voltron of coffee. It is its final evolution, its ultimate form.

13.) Alanis’ time on “You Can’t Do That On Television” & Dave Coulier fellatio in combination lend to many jokes about getting slimed. You know he did the Woodchuck voice during it.

14.) I don’t know what sex act should be called “The State Fair” but it is imperative that one is named that.

15.) Why say “I believe that abrasion has become infected” when you can say “OOH, SICK BURN!”?

16.) “Fetty Wap” sounds like Victorian code for a nasty venereal disease.

17.) Constantly pretend to confuse the PBS show “Wishbone” with the ska band “Fishbone”.

18.) Wherever you are on the 1-to-10 scale of physical beauty, if you’re in a youtube video you get 2 more points. “I’m a Youtube 8” I might say.

19.) How many horror movies about friending and unfriending on social media have to be made before everyone admits that’s stupid as hell?

20.) Newschannel 2 is a giving and sensitive lover of the news because the news comes first.

21.) On Scandinavian salads, Aerosmith prefers a Swede emulsion.

22.) Using freshly squeezed grape juice for wine is a must. (This has been the most obscure pun I have ever written.)

23.) If I had to sum up my life philosophy as I lurk toward forty it is this: “If the world has to burn for me to get mine, I don’t want mine.”