s2 in idea barrages

1.) If 311 is still a band and one of them quits, they should have to tour as 310.

2.) In a hundred years they’ll be able to resurrect a simulacra of your consciousness from your Tweet history & I want mine to be weird as hell.

3.) By far, the best fake name generated by a facebook friend request pornbot is “Emalee Klumb”. Just inside the made-up-name uncanny valley.

4.) if you’ve an abrasion, yo, I’ll salve it/that’s what patent medicine is involved with

5.) It’s a dating app so depressing in its desperation that you just wanna burn the world down to end humanity’s misery. It’s called Cindr.

6.) Your comic book about plucky young lads helping slaughter the aristocracy during The French Revolution will be called The Guillo-Teens.

7.) Step 1: Buy a bunch of stuffed animal gnus. Step 2: Pelt Fox hate-squawkers with them. Step 3: Be unsurprised they don’t understand puns.

8.) At the end of the Lord of the Rings when they all move on to Valinor the Undying Lands, yell “THE ELVISH HAVE JUST LEFT THE BUILDING”.

9.) The road to necessity is paved with bad inventions.

10.) Make a really overpriced really terrible margarita in honour of the terrible Transformers movies and call it “Optimus Lime”.

11.) Watching the Trump cameo in Home Alone 2 thinking “KEVIN YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED ALL THIS.”

12.) WHOA Jack Benny RAM-A-LAM, WHOA Jack Benny RAM-A-LAM, Jack Benny had a show RAM-A-LAM, on the ra-di-o RAM-A-LAM

13.) Knowing that fear is the mindkiller doesn’t make you any less afraid. Sometimes, though, it helps you push through anyway.

14.) Someone posted up a sign for that white supremacist conspiracy website Infowars right on the main drag in Herkimer. Lovely.

15.) I like my speeches like I microwave my soup: stirring, occasionally.

16.) I was starting college, 20 years ago this week. It flies, you know. It just soars away, this life. Goddamn.

17.) “The Gig Economy” is a really fancy way of saying “Welcome Back To Serfdom”.

18.) A parody of Love Shack about H.P. Lovecraft is the hero we deserve not the hero we need or want.

19.) Sometimes I take a coupla days to go Twitter-only, avoiding facebook. If I’ve been ghosty on fb today I apologize. Back on tomorrow.